A Neglected Command
Ephesians 6:1-3
June 18, 2023 Father’s Day
Pastor Craig Ledbetter
Bible Baptist Church, Ballincollig, Cork, Ireland
I. Introduction (Ephesians 6:1-3)
A. On Mother’s Day, we actually honour Moms
B. But on Father’s Day, I usually speak directly to Dads and tell them they have a lot of work to do to be worthy of the honour of being a Dad! Because it is true! J
C. But today, Let’s Actually Honour Dad
1. I want to teach you How to actually honour your father. And to repent of NOT doing it
2. You see, honouring Dad is not:
a. Just giving him a Father’s Day card
b. Or taking him out for a meal
c. Or buying him a nice tie (does anybody do that anymore?)
D. Dad’s are a gift
1. Poem: It is a Miracle Being a Dad (I wrote this last night)
a. I still remember, way back when
b. When holding our baby, I had such a grin
c. For me to be this little child’s Dad
d. I just couldn’t believe it, I was so glad
e. Everything changed, on that one special day
f. I now had to work harder, and to study and pray
g. For such wisdom and patience, I hadn’t a clue
h. Just how great was this miracle of just holding you!
i. So I am sitting here, watching your face as it beams
j. ‘Cause I’m waiting to see if this is only a dream
k. I can’t believe it, it surely can’t be true
l. That I am a Dad, and that I get to love you!
2. A Dad is God’s gift to his family – never doubt that!
3. And a dad is a gift to a church – a church needs DADs
4. And a Dad is a gift to every village, and town and city and nation on this planet! Our nation needs good Fathers more than politicians, builders, doctors, lawyers or even pastors!
E. But Dads are in danger of being done away with – of extinction
1. Stop worrying about whales, and snails and mushrooms going extinct
2. Worry that fatherhood, being trampled on and ruined by this messed up and twisted world
a. Where children HATE their parents – hate themselves – hate life!
b. Proverbs 30:11 There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother.
c. Where young men have absolutely no idea how to BE a Dad – oh they have been taught how to make a baby, but very few know how to make a family!
d. So few know self-lessness, self-sacrifice, hard work, right and wrong, and stability
e. They are self-destructing
f. Romans 1:24 Wherefore God also gave them [PEOPLE] up to uncleanness [FILTHY LIFESTYLES] through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
F. How did we get this way?
G. When people are dishonouring ourselves [ABUSING OURSELVES], it is usually because they are not honoured the right things – starting in the home!
II. Background
A. There are Many Expectations of a Father
1. People expect things of important people: Prime Ministers, Presidents, Firemen, Garda, Doctors, Nurses, Teachers, Pastors…
2. But we stop when it comes to us dads!
3. There are hundreds of Biblical commands and expectations of us men, and especially of us fathers, towards our family
a. Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
b. 1 Timothy 5:8 But if any [MAN] provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
c. It is YOUR responsibility Dad to provide for your family’s needs – there are exceptions, but it is OUR responsibility to provide for our families, not the government’s!
d. It is your responsibility Dads to protect your family from bad guys and bad influences
e. It is your responsibility Dads to get your family to walk with God and love Him – it is not this church’s responsibility – it is YOURS men!
4. There are a lot of expectations of Dads – and that is not a bad thing
5. But there are also expectations of Children, and young people
B. God’s Expectation of Children
1. To honour their parents (Ephesians 6:1-3) Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
2. It is part of the Big Ten Commandments
a. Exodus 20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
b. Mark 10:19 Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Defraud not, Honour thy father and mother.
c. By-the-way, this commandment was not written only to children, but for all ages!
3. It is part of respect we MUST learn to have towards the people around us
a. Matthew 19:19 Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
b. Romans 13:7 Render [GIVE] therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due [PAY TAX]; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honour to whom honour.
c. People have no idea how to honour nor who to honour, because they never leaned TO honour their parents, and especially they never learned to honour their DADs
C. There are Great Benefits to honouring Your Parents, and Especially Your Dad
1. Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
2. Deuteronomy 5:16 Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
3. Long life – to be allowed to see your children’s children, getting married!
4. Safe cities and homes – yes, because we honour our parents, and especially Dads
5. Sanity – bitterness and anger and hatred are destroying us! Having a close relationship with our parents, and ESPECIALLY our Fathers is the only defense!
D. There is a High Cost to NOT Honouring Your Father
1. Too many homes have everything backwards. Having things in reverse
a. Honouring the wife way too much – in fear of her walking out leaving with the kids
b. Honouring the kids more than dad is dangerous
c. All that proves people are in fact NOT honouring God
d. 1 Samuel 2:29 Wherefore kick ye at my sacrifice and at mine offering, which I have commanded in my habitation; and honourest thy sons above me, to make yourselves fat with the chiefest of all the offerings of Israel my people?
2. You will be in rebellion against clear commands of Scripture – that is sin
3. You will reap what you sow – your children and your grandchildren will continue your own attitude sometimes to the fourth generation!
4. Your life will be shorter than it should be and more miserable
a. Exodus 20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
b. Exodus 21:15 And he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death.
c. Proverbs 20:20 Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp [LIFE] shall be put out in obscure darkness.
d. Matthew 15:4 For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.
e. That was Jesus quoting the commandment and warning kids to never try and hurt their parents
III. Message
A. How GOD Wants You to Honour Your Father (not the way you feel like, but the right ways) – it really doesn’t take that much to honour your dad… we are easily blessed!
1. Spend Time With Him
a. I know Dads are usually very busy! But WE ARE ALL WAY TO BUSY!
b. If you have a father still alive, you must make time, for him!
c. I know it is frustrating when he doesn’t have time for you, but do whatever you have to, to spend time with him!
d. Talk with him – make time for him, even when he has not made time for you
1) Tell him what is going on in your life. Talk about what is scaring, hurting you
2) Most counsellors are doing what Dads used to do – just getting things out
3) Listen to the Prodigal son finally TALK with his Dad… Luke 15:21,22 And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet
e. Listen to your Dad
1) Proverbs 23:22 Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old.
2) Listen to his stories – they are part of you, that he has passed on without you even knowing it.
a) Find out why he is sad, or angry, or frustrated, or so bent on succeeding
b) Find out what it was like being your age, way back then!
c) He probably would LOVE to just share some things
3) Listen to his advice – yeah, he has a LOT of advice! Listen to it!
4) His concerns – in almost every case, he is older and wiser than you are!
5) His Admonitions and instructions – he probably can teach you a lot, no matter how old you may be! (Proverbs 1:8) My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:
6) Listen to your Dad – let him talk, and share with you what HE thinks!
2. Watch Him – watch his life (Proverbs 23:26)
a. Proverbs 23:26 My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways.
b. That was Solomon talking to his son!
c. I know that some men (many men) are lazy
d. But most men live and die UNNOTICED for all they do
e. Notice all that your dad does for you and your family, and maybe for the Lord – especially when he sacrifices his time to do a Gospel ministry!
f. Watch his life! Learn from it
g. I didn’t learn a whole lot from my Dad – left when I was 12
h. But I did learn to:
1) To work hard when I had a job to do
2) I learned to stay married (by watching him leave his)
3) I learned to study things, and test what I hear, and think and believe
4) I learned to speak up, and say what needed to be said
5) Best of all, I learned to forgive, by forgiving him when I got saved!
i. WATCH YOUR DAD! God will teach you so much, if you will!
j. Us old guys who have stayed married, and paid off our house, and stayed in church, and have lived through the ups and downs can teach you young’uns a thing or two!
3. Obey Him – wait, what did I just say? (Proverbs 6:20)
a. Proverbs 6:20 My son, keep thy father's commandment [NOT JUST GOD’S COMMANDMENTS], and forsake not the law of thy mother:
b. Oh how hard that is for young people today
c. Kids usually obey Mom, but God says, we better obey DAD too!
d. Even older adults, Be very slow to reject your Dads advice
e. Most Dads are NOT control freaks – and shame on you if you are!
f. But when Dad says to do something, then do it
g. That honours him, and it usually protects you
h. As you grow older, and move out of the house, you do NOT have to do as he says, but you better consider what he says
4. Seek to be Wise and Godly, instead of Worldly (Proverbs 10:1; 23:24,25)
a. Proverbs 10:1 The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother.
b. Proverbs 23:24,25 The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him. Thy father and thy mother shall be glad, and she that bare thee shall rejoice.
c. If you want to honour your Dad (and you should every day of your life), do right!
d. No Dad wants to raise a fool for a son or a daughter
e. So Seek to do things the right way.
f. Your Dad may not understand the Bible, but when he sees you:
1) Waiting patiently for the right person to marry – not just the first person you can get into bed with
2) Abstaining from drink and drugs and cigarettes completely – even if HE smokes
3) Putting God first in your life instead of the pub, and your friends
4) Doing the hard things in life without complaining – seriously!
5) And actually honouring he and your mother…
g. THAT WILL HONOUR YOUR DAD and make him glad that he IS a Dad
h. Having a kid, teenager, young man or woman who is throwing their life away will bring such sorrow and heaviness to your Dad – you have no idea!
5. Take Care of Him when He is Old – don’t abandon him to the State (1Tim 5:3,4)
a. 1 Timothy 5:3,4 Honour widows that are widows indeed. But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God.
1) Piety is personal responsibility
2) Pay back your older parents for all they did for YOU
b. Christian Churches are supposed to honour / take physical care of widows and widowers that are alone and without family
c. BUT, families are supposed to take care of their parents when they are old – not churches, and not government programmes.
d. Your Dad should be loved, and especially as he gets older, and more invalid!
e. THAT honours him!
f. Jesus was furious at how the Pharisees had replaced the commandment of honouring parents with honouring the themselves instead.
6. Forgive Him – this is a big one! (Matthew 18:21,22; Ephesians 4:31,32)
a. Forgive your dad
b. So many 30-somethings have major mental problems because they hate their Dad
c. NEVER hate your dad
d. He was never going to be perfect
e. He needs forgiveness just like you do – he needs YOUR forgiveness
f. And YOU need your Dad!
g. If you are following Christ, and have the Spirit of God in you, YOU CAN AND MUST forgive family members who have hurt you, whether they repent or not. Reconciliation and closeness is dependent upon repentance, but forgiveness is only dependent on you doing it. Jesus said to forgive, constantly!
1) Matthew 18:21,22 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
2) THAT is 490 times! You have never forgiven anyone that many times!
3) But we are commanded to by our Lord!
4) Ephesians 4:31,32 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
h. When you hate your Dad, you are hating your future you! It’s killing you!
i. So, Forgive Him. Stop trying to make him hurt the way he hurt you and let you down! God will judge him if He has to. Don’t make God judge you too
j. TELL GOD you forgive him!
k. Then tell your Dad you forgive him. That’s right! Humble yourself and say it!
l. I did! And it changed our relationship completely! Made it sweet. And changed ME probably more than it changed him!
7. Encourage him (Deuteronomy 8:5; Proverbs 12:25)
a. Dads love to fix things, and solve problems. But it is nice when someone just comes along and says something nice to them, something encouraging, like…
b. “I love you!” - “Thank you!” (Not just on Father’s Day)
1) For loving me – he did love you!
2) For chastening me when I was a rebel
a) Deuteronomy 8:5 Thou shalt also consider in thine heart, that, as a man chasteneth his son, so the LORD thy God chasteneth thee.
b) Your father was just doing what God does – corrects us when we do wrong
c) Stop being bitter about your parents not correcting you perfectly!
d) You probably deserved more than you got! I know “I” did!
3) For all that you do for us, and for Mom, and for pastor, and for so many people
4) TELL HIM!
c. You are my hero! “I want to be just like you!”
d. THAT will make your Dad WANT to leap tall buildings, and race against locomotives, and catch bad-guys, and work two jobs, and put up with constant disappointments in life!
e. Just hearing something like that, instead of always, “You dad is a mess.” “When is he going to get right with God?” “I just don’t know what to do with your father.”
f. One “thank you”, and “I love you Dad” will go a long way in a man’s broken, worn-out heart!
g. Proverbs 12:25 Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad.
8. Lastly, Pray for him (1Timothy 2:1-3)
a. 1Timothy 2:1-3 I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; For kings, and for all that are in authority [INCLUDES DADS]; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty. For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Saviour
b. When was the last time you took TIME to pray for your Dad?
c. By name, “Dear God, help my Dad. You know him as Bill. He needs you!”
d. By burden – what burdens does he carry? Do you even know? Pray for his sorrows
e. If you Dad is not born again, would you start to PRAY that he comes out to church and hears the glorious Gospel of Jesus? Will you start to pray for God to open his eyes to the Gospel, and to the crucifixion?
f. Pray he finds his strength in a walk with God, instead of a beer can, or a pint glass
g. For him to yield to the Holy Spirit of God, and to obey God himself – this generation needs men who are SPIRITUAL MEN!
h. To love God most of all
i. THAT will make him a great Dad more than anything!
j. But us praying for OUR Dads is what it usually takes for them to change!
B. What if you Dad is not Alive, or Not in your Life?
1. If he has passed away…
a. Honour his memory. Remember the good things he did
b. Don’t carry all the disappointments of him around with you
c. Let God work everything out for good – because He promises that He will
2. If he is alive and yet not a part of your life…
a. Write him a letter, and tell him because of what Jesus has done in your heart and life, you forgive him, and love him
b. You don’t have to meet up with him and act like nothing ever happened
c. But you should treat him like Jesus treats you – kindly, and respectfully
d. Ask his advice when you need it – see what he says
e. YOU could be such a change-agent in his life, bringing him to faith in the God who changed YOU
3. No matter what
a. Always honour his part in your life – he was there at some point
b. Redirect praise and honour onto the times your Dad WAS there in your life. When people praise you for something you have done that your dad taught you, tell them your Dad taught you how to do that thing
c. THAT will raise people’s respect of YOU!
IV.Conclusion
A. Folks, if you want to live long, and actually enjoy life, honour your Dad, all your life
B. You will wish for another chance when they are gone – so don’t neglect it today!
C. Dads… Wouldn’t it be important to be Worthy of Honour?
1. Our kids SHOULD honour us
2. But shouldn’t we work hard at being worthy of being a Dad?
3. Honour begins in the heart – your heart. It starts there. God can give you a new one
4. Dads, Start following the life example of Jesus – greatest Man who ever lived
5. Be honourable, even if no one notices you or honours you!